they’re all going to hate you

You’ve guessed by now that I have, for much of my life, been one of those people. The ones who are convinced yes, it’s possible, somehow, in some way, for everyone in the entire universe to like them. You think this is crazy because as any sane person knows, no, it’s not possible. No one likes everyone. No one likes everything, for chrissakes. I mean, no one likes even every ice cream flavor, and almost everyone likes ice cream as a general rule, except my mom who kind of just hates ice cream period, except maybe when it’s in an ice cream soda, and see even there - an exception.  

But here’s the thing you don’t understand: Being liked by everyone is not about logic. It’s not rational. It’s not normal. Oh god, no. Normal has nothing to do with it. It’s about fear. OF COURSE. DUH. It’s that rejection thing we talked about the other day. God, you know what? It’s not even about like. It’s about not not-liking. Making sure there’s no one who dislikes you. Being sure you are not on the verge of being rejected. And you know what?

IT IS FUCKING EXHAUSTING. And also it sucks.

Because the perverse truth - truths, really: You will spend all your time trying to be liked by so many people that at the end of the day what will you have? Truly, not a hell of a lot of anything. You will have spent all your pennies and you will have dumped all your efforts into a lot of areas and you will be zonked and you will have spread yourself super thin and it will mostly be on a lot of unproven and unknown people. Let’s pretend this is your stock market strategy. Unless you are me, in junior high social studies, and you totally luck out and pick some stocks based on some really random selection process, this is, investment-strategy-wise, going to leave you with a big pile of not much. Those efforts, focused on a more wisely selected (I would say curated, but then I would have to punch myself) group of people? Ah. Now we’re talking.

Plus: I do not like everyone. I know, you are deeply shocked by this. There are people of whom I’m less than fond. Now, I admit to being less easy going than the average polar bear, which as you know is among the grumpier of the bears out there. But even a super easy going person? Does not like everyone. And if they do? They are either a) showing ridiculously low standards or b) lying. Do you want to be liked by someone who likes that asshole who lives down the street and shouts nasty things at old people who walk by AND who likes the woman who has only mean stuff to say about other women? Or do you want to be liked by a total liar? 

No, you do not. So you can’t be everything to everyone. You have to just be you. The various of versions of you that there are. Sometimes you will be internet you, sometimes you will be real life you. Sometimes you will be grumpy jerkoff you, and sometimes you will be hat-in-hand apologetic you. Sometimes you will be that you who comes out and makes everyone go “Man, I wanna buy that guy a beer” and you’ll go “self, where does that guy GO and could he come out more often?” and your self will go “hey, we are ALL you. Go easier on us, be as nice to us as you are to everyone else, stop trying to be liked by everyone, and we’ll see what we can do.”

So I’m finally learning that it’s okay to not be liked by everyone. I’m even learning that it’s okay to stand up for yourself, to do right by yourself, even if it’s uncomfortable and awkward, even if it means people you in fact like might turn around and dislike you. Even if it means everyone might dislike you. 

Because there’s no better way to face that fear than by tearing it all the way down. And hey, there aren’t that many people whom everyone dislikes. Come on, even black licorice ice cream has to have a fan or two.

16 Notes/ Hide

  1. sasquatchmedia said: Wait ‘til your mid-40s. You won’t give a suck about peoples’ impressions. Feels special.:)
  2. ohheygreat posted this

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