oh hey great
Don't Pity Me
Curly Moore
Curly Moore - Don’t Pity Me
October 2010
59 posts
All the qualities?
Whitney Port is hosting a dreamy new competition - the former “The Hills” star is leading the search for the perfect boyfriend most like a Ken doll.
Port has signed on to host new reality series “Genuine Ken: The Search for the Great American Boyfriend,” which aims to find a man who embodies all the qualities of Barbie’s man.
If you were to ask me which qualities I most remember about the Ken dolls I had when I was young I would tell you:
1. Shaving Fun Ken was neither shaveable - you scribbled on him with a marker and then wiped it off with a foam “razor” - nor fun but he had a hell of a head of hair. Plus when one day he became “suicidal” and decided to “fling himself” from a second story window onto a floor of concrete below, he did not shatter as an imaginative child might hope. Instead a leg went flinging off in one direction and an arm in another, and reconstructive surgery with one’s grandma made him even less fun and very crinkly, due to the use of a lot of Scotch tape.
2. A KEN DOLL’S CROTCH IS MOLDED PLASTIC IN THE SHAPE OF A PAIR OF BRIEFS. WHITNEY PORT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR A PLASTIC BRAINLESS MAN WITH NO PENIS AND NO BALLS.
Oh. I see. Never mind.
I thought I was the only one who had this wish
Mr. Wilson? You just claimed a little piece of my heart:
“I’d like to be a crossword clue one day,” he said. “I want to be in The New York Times’s Sunday edition. Right now, the clue ‘Giants great’ is always Mel Ott. I want my clue to be down, not across. The down ones are usually harder. And when I’m the clue, I’ll fill it in — just that one — and frame it.
“How sweet would that be?”
Brian Wilson, from Behind the Beard is a Quirky Closer Who Keeps Things Interesting (NYTimes.com)
